In relationships, there are some topics that are really tough to talk about. One of those tricky subjects is dealing with each other’s families. Dealing with your partner’s family can be complicated. Even when you know your own family has issues, it’s common to get defensive and protective of them. This makes it hard to discuss problems with your partner’s family.
Figuring out what to do when you have issues with your partner’s family can be just as hard as the problem itself. Sometimes, it’s best to let things be if it’s just a bit awkward when you see them occasionally. But if your partner’s family is really difficult or causing problems in your relationship, it’s important to address it.
According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, dealing with a difficult family can be a big challenge for a relationship. It’s like a test. If you and your partner can handle the challenges that come with family dynamics, it’s a good sign that you can handle other unexpected challenges in life together.
Choose Your Words Carefully
When you talk to your partner about their family, use kind and careful words. Avoid attacking them with harsh words like “ridiculous,” “crazy,” or “nasty.” Instead, talk about your own experiences, what you’ve observed, and how it makes you feel. Explain how it has affected you instead of listing their mistakes. This will help you avoid sounding aggressive and create a better basis for a productive conversation.
Address the Issues Directly
While choosing your words carefully is essential, you shouldn’t avoid the issue or drop hints. “You should address these problems directly,” says Hartstein. Even if your partner’s family may not be aware of what’s bothering you, it’s crucial to explain your concerns to them clearly. Let them know that some of their behaviors are not acceptable and that you are an important part of their life. However, ensure that your actions are respectful and be open to criticism if you’ve behaved poorly. It’s better to have an open conversation rather than dropping hints or being passive-aggressive.
Use Definite Examples
Your partner might not want to admit the issues with their family, even if it’s clear to you. To get through to them, use specific examples and explain why it’s not acceptable, emphasizing how it makes you feel. If you believe that your partner’s family is mistreating you or causing problems in your relationship, share specific instances with your partner and discuss it when you both have some privacy.
Approach It as a Team
Make sure you and your partner are on the same page. It’s crucial to address family issues together to avoid causing division in your relationship. Remember that respect and kindness should go both ways.
Dealing with these issues can be a bit uncomfortable, and there might be some tension. Still, it’s important to address them sooner rather than later if they’re affecting you or your relationship. Be respectful and direct when discussing the problems, and always remember that you and your partner are a team.
Remember Your Relationship
In the end, prioritize your relationship with your partner above all else. Remind your partner that your goal is to strengthen your bond and maintain a healthy relationship. Also, ask how you can contribute to improving their family relationship. While you may not adore every family member, it’s essential to respect and honor the relationship that existed before you joined the picture.
