If you don’t trust your partner, having confidence in your judgment can be difficult. This is because our life experiences determine our capacity to trust others. Mistrust is a form of self-protection: the less you trust, the more you’ve been hurt.
Distrust can quickly infect a relationship, much like a wildfire. Trust is upheld by both partners and is the sturdy pillar supporting a relationship. When these pillars weaken, disconnection creeps in. Here’s our guide to constructing trust and repairing it when it’s fractured.
The Cycle of Mistrust:
Distrust can sneak into a relationship gradually, step by step. It often begins with doubting your partner’s trustworthiness and dependability. These doubts can grow into suspicions over time if they aren’t resolved. Suspicion means believing something without solid proof. This can lead to anxiety and uneasy feelings, which sometimes show up physically as nervousness, a racing heart, anger, a tight stomach, or even disgust. When anxiety takes over, fear sets in, making it hard to be open and vulnerable with your partner. Finally, fear can trigger a self-protective mode: you pull away, build walls, and prevent your partner from getting close.
Trust is like a strong pillar that supports a relationship. When these pillars weaken, disconnection starts to happen. The inability to be open and vulnerable with your partner can lead to various changes in your relationship.
Consider this for a moment: your partner isn’t solely responsible for creating trust issues. In most cases, both of you share the responsibility for fostering a safe and secure relationship. To kickstart the process of rebuilding trust, ask yourselves:
- Set aside a time to talk openly about the feelings that arose due to the breach of trust without blaming or criticizing each other.
- Listen to your partner without passing judgment. Each of you should express your perspective and discuss the emotions triggered by the incident.
- Both of you should examine your roles in the incident and take responsibility for your actions.
- Offer genuine apologies and accept each other’s apologies.
- Work together to create a plan that prevents future breaches of trust.
This approach can help in rebuilding trust within your relationship.
Here are 8 ways to build trust in a relationship:
Be Open and Vulnerable: Don’t hesitate to express your feelings and seek reassurance when needed. Share your insecurities, dreams, and emotions with your partner.
Assume Good Intentions: Instead of jumping to conclusions, consider that your partner’s actions may not always be intentional. Mistakes can happen, so keep an open mind.
Honest Communication: Regularly check in with each other and openly discuss any issues in your relationship. Address problems early, starting with “I” statements to express your feelings.
Acknowledge Past Wounds: Understand if past hurts are affecting your trust in the present. Reflect on whether your mistrust stems from your partner’s actions, your insecurities, or a combination of both.
Listen Actively: Try to see things from your partner’s perspective. Ask questions like how they perceived the situation, what their feelings were, and how they experienced it.
Trust Your Gut: Pay attention to your intuition, especially if it’s raising concerns. Address doubts and red flags rather than letting them fester.
Repair After Conflict: If an argument becomes overwhelming, take a short break to cool down. Schedule a time to discuss the issue calmly and constructively.
Communicate Your Needs: Be clear about your needs and how your partner can meet them. Remember that your partner can’t read your mind, so it’s essential to communicate openly and teach them how to fulfill your needs.
Rebuilding Trust After It’s Broken:
In relationships, it’s natural to shift from harmony to discord and then work towards repair and restoration. However, some people remain stuck in discord and distance themselves, making it challenging to engage in the repair process. The objective should be moving forward together, not backward.
If trust has been shattered, here are steps to help with the repair:
- Schedule a Conversation: Find a suitable time to discuss the breach of trust and express your feelings without blame or criticism.
- Open Communication: Listen to your partner without passing judgment. Both of you should share your perspectives and discuss the emotions triggered by the incident.
- Self-Assessment: Reflect on how each of you contributed to the incident and take responsibility for your actions.
- Genuine Apologies: Offer sincere apologies and accept each other’s apologies.
- Prevention Plan: Develop a plan to avoid future breaches of trust and maintain a healthy relationship.
