Falling in love is thrilling, like finding a new toy with hidden surprises. But over time, keeping that excitement alive in a long-term relationship can be tough. It’s normal to wonder if the spark has faded. Therapists and experts say it’s common, and there’s hope. Whether it’s due to life changes or years of routine, our experts offer advice on bringing back the romance and love in your relationship.
It’s Okay to Not Feel “In Love” All the Time
Relationship expert Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, says that the initial stages of love are characterized by excitement and passion. However, as the relationship progresses, it becomes more about intimacy and connection. This doesn’t mean that the love has died, but rather that it has evolved into something different.
Miller explains that it is important to understand that the feeling of being “in love” is not sustainable in the long term. It is normal for the intensity of these feelings to ebb and flow. If you can accept this, it will help to reduce the pressure you feel to feel deeply in love all the time.
Instead of focusing on the feeling of being “in love,” focus on the other aspects of your relationship that make you happy. These could include things like spending time together, communicating openly, and supporting each other. You can build a strong and lasting relationship by focusing on these things.
To bring back the spark, remember the start.
The beginning of a relationship is often a time of intense passion and excitement. You may feel like you’re on cloud nine and that you could do anything together. But as time goes on, those feelings can start to fade.
If you’re looking to reignite the spark in your relationship, one way to do it is to revisit the places where your love story began. This could be the place where you met, had your first date, or got engaged. Going back to these places can help you remember the good times and the feelings you had when you first fell in love.
Jennifer Levy, a professional counselor and certified sex therapist, says that the beginning stages of a relationship are “marked by powerful feelings of infatuation, fantasies, and desire.” She suggests returning to the area where you met or got engaged to help rekindle those feelings.
Share secrets to bring back intimacy.
Intimacy is not just about physical closeness, but also about emotional closeness. If you are feeling disconnected from your partner, try telling them a secret that you have never told anyone else before. “When couples are welcoming and non-judgmental of their partner’s secrets, they strengthen their connection,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of Happy Together, which she wrote with her husband James Pawelski, PhD. Whether it’s a childhood memory, a vivid dream, or a fantasy, sharing these truths shows that you trust your partner, which can help to re-establish an emotional bond. And that can feel very intimate.
Do something exciting to get the spark back
If you’ve ever watched The Bachelor, you’ve probably noticed how bungee jumping or exciting activities can make couples feel closer, at least for a while. It’s not just love; it’s the rush of adrenaline and happy chemicals in the brain that can bring you closer.
“Research tells us that adrenaline can make you more attracted to your partner,” says Miller. So, if you want to rekindle that spark, consider doing something thrilling together. If leaping off a bridge doesn’t appeal to you, you can visit an amusement park, explore a haunted house, or try any new and exciting activity that interests both of you.
A simple “thank you” can go a long way in romance.
Kira Bartlett PsyD suggests an easy way to keep the love alive is to simply appreciate what your partner does. So, if you feel like your relationship is losing its spark, make it a habit to express your thanks daily. You can send a text or say it in person. For instance, you can say something like, “I really appreciate you taking out the trash every week, even though I don’t always mention it. It’s a big help.” According to Pileggi Pawelski, expressing gratitude is vital for happy relationships. Regularly showing gratitude can boost your satisfaction in the relationship.
Let go of resentment to fix a broken relationship.
Resentment is a feeling of anger, bitterness, or hatred that you may feel towards someone who has wronged you. It can be difficult to let go of resentment, but it is essential if you want to fix a broken relationship.
When you hold on to resentment, it can poison your relationship and make it difficult to communicate and trust each other. It can also lead to anger, sadness, and depression.
If you want to fix a broken relationship, you need to let go of resentment. This doesn’t mean that you have to forget what happened or pretend that it didn’t matter. It simply means that you need to forgive the person who wronged you and move on.
