Starting a new romantic relationship can be both thrilling and nerve-wracking. You might feel those butterflies in your stomach because you really like the person and want things to go smoothly. You’re not alone in experiencing these feelings. Dating and relationship expert Andrea Syrtash says that a new relationship is a time of exploration, where you learn not only about your partner but also about yourself and your desires. Celebrity matchmaker Carmelia Ray adds that this “honeymoon stage” is a special time for creating cherished memories and often feels like the beginning of falling in love. However, it’s normal to also experience some anxiety and nervousness during this exciting phase, which can sometimes create unnecessary pressure.
To help you avoid unintentionally damaging your relationship, we asked the experts to share their top advice for people starting new relationships. Their goal is to help you enjoy this time of getting to know each other without unnecessary stress. As Syrtash puts it, “Long-term relationships require effort, but dating shouldn’t be a chore.”
So, here are nine important things to remember when you’re beginning a new relationship.
Keep the Past in the Past
When you’re starting a new relationship, it’s a mistake to bring up all your fears, worries, and past bad experiences from previous relationships. According to Ray, people generally don’t want to hear about your past relationships, especially on the first or second date. So, avoid talking too much about your past and, concentrate on the person you’re currently dating, and try to get to know them better.
Don’t Make Comparisons
Comparing your relationship or partner to others can cause problems and upset your current partner, according to Ray. Instead, consider these questions: Are you in this relationship to outdo someone else? Are you trying to impress others by being in this relationship? Or are you in the relationship because you genuinely like the person you’re dating?
Look at Actions More Than Words
“It’s important to pay attention to what someone is doing in the present rather than just listening to their future plans,” says Syrtash. In other words, actions speak louder than words. On the other hand, if your partner introduces you to their family and friends, it’s likely they see a future with you.
Be Vulnerable, Even If You’re Afraid
“Many people find it scary to open up and show their real selves because it makes them feel exposed,” says Ray. But when you’re in a new relationship, being vulnerable can actually strengthen your bond and build trust. “Being open about your true self can be a gift to the person who wants to get to know you better,” she explains.
Don’t Brag or Exaggerate
“Both men and women don’t like it. You don’t have to constantly show off to your partner, especially if they already like you.” You can be confident in yourself without listing all your achievements.
Stay in the Moment
Remember that being in a new relationship is a time to learn and explore. “To reduce stress, remind yourself to stay focused on the here and now,” says Syrtash. This means staying true to yourself and trusting your instincts. Even if someone looks great on paper, they may not be the right fit for you in reality.
Avoid being overly clingy or needy
“A little bit of jealousy can be okay,” says Ray. “But asking your partner to spend all their time with you and stop doing things they enjoyed before you started dating is a warning sign.” It’s normal for new couples to spend a lot of time together, but don’t constantly text, call, or demand to see your partner, as it can cause stress and push them away.
Don’t Give Up Time With Family or Friends
In a new relationship, it’s common for couples to spend less time on their usual activities and may even cancel plans with friends to be with their partner. However, it’s important to maintain a balance. “Remember that the excitement of seeing your partner is also fueled by the anticipation of having some time apart,” says Ray. “If you constantly cancel your plans with friends for your new partner, it might give the impression that your previous commitments are less important.” So, try to keep yourself occupied and keep your plans with friends while adjusting your schedule reasonably.
Listen and Stay Curious
“Listening is a skill, and many people aren’t very good at it,” says Ray. When you really pay attention to your partner and focus on what they’re saying, it makes them feel like you care about them and value their thoughts. When you ask questions and show interest in their life, it not only shows you’re curious but also makes them feel important and cherished.
