If you’ve been in a relationship with your partner for a while and are thinking about moving in together, it can be both exciting and a big decision. The idea of waking up together every day and getting to know each other on a deeper level sounds wonderful, but it’s also a significant change and commitment. You might wonder how to determine if you’re truly prepared for this step. What are the indications that moving in together is the right decision for both of you? Let’s explore some signs that can help you make this important choice.
What to Expect When Moving In Together
When you decide to move in together, you’re likely thinking about all the practical changes that will happen. You’ll share things like the fridge, the TV, and closet space. You’ll sleep and wake up in the same place every night. Just like any roommates moving in together, it might take some time to figure out how to make it work smoothly. Who’s responsible for which chores? How much cleaning should be done? When will you go grocery shopping? You can even discuss these things before the move to make things easier.
Now, when it comes to the emotional changes that happen when you share a physical space with someone, it’s a good idea not to set too many expectations, according to Jacobson. “Expectations can cause problems in any relationship. There will be good times and bad times, that’s normal,” she adds. “What’s important is how each person handles those times. No blaming or shaming, just honest communication that comes from the heart, not the head.” So, approach this with curiosity rather than having a fixed idea of how things should be.
Tips for Living Together
Communicate more, not less.
“When you start living together, the way you communicate might change,” Jacobson explains. “Sometimes, people assume their partner knows how they feel, and they can start taking each other for granted. It’s important to be honest. Share your perspective on things like house rules, and listen to what your partner thinks. For example, if your partner leaves the toilet seat up and you don’t like it, just kindly let them know. Avoid blaming them.”
Maintain your independence.
“When you move in together, it’s common for couples to start doing everything together,” Jacobson acknowledges. “You might want to spend all your time with your partner, or they might feel jealous if you do things without them.” However, resisting this urge and maintaining your separate lives is essential. Having your own friends, hobbies, and activities allows you to stay true to yourself while also growing closer to your partner.
When something comes up, look at yourself first.
At some point, something might happen that makes one partner angry. It could be a small issue like the dishes not being done when promised or a more significant problem like one partner working too much and rarely being home. In these situations, looking at yourself first before pointing fingers at your partner. Try to understand why you’re upset, identify the unmet needs, and figure out why you’re reacting this way before discussing it with your partner.
Signs You Are Ready to Move In Together
You have good communication.
The most significant sign that you’re ready to move in together is if you’ve reached a point where you communicate well. According to Jacobson, it means both of you have clearly expressed your wants and needs. She emphasizes that in any relationship, one person talks, and the other listens.
But it’s crucial to be genuine in your communication. “You must genuinely listen,” she adds. “Not just roll your eyes or pretend to hear what your partner is saying.” Since you’ll need even more communication when you live together, mastering this skill is essential.
You accept the other person.
For an intimate relationship to work, both partners must fully accept each other. “You shouldn’t go in thinking you can change your partner’s thoughts and beliefs to match yours,” she explains. Living together will reveal more about your partner, so it’s important to accept that they are a unique individual with their own needs and feelings.
You can talk honestly about moving in together.
If you can’t have a clear conversation about moving in together, it’s a warning sign. Being completely honest with each other is crucial. “Tell your partner what you want and why you want it. Also, pay attention to what your partner says. Listen to their words and the emotions behind them, and ask questions if you’re unsure.”
You have rich, independent lives.
Living together is not the same as dating. When you’re dating, you can choose when to see each other. But when you live together, your home becomes the same place, and you’ll be together most of the time. After moving in together, many couples start spending all their time together, which isn’t always healthy. This can create too much pressure on your relationship or lead to resentment because you’ve given up a lot to be together.
You’re on the same page about your relationship.
Before moving in together, it’s crucial to understand what being in a relationship and loving each other means to both of you. Do you express your love through gifts or by sending frequent texts during the day? Do you need to spend exclusive time together a few times a week, or are you okay with just cuddling in the evening after doing your own things? “Couples should talk about their views on love,” says Jacobson. This helps avoid constant arguments due to differing expectations.
